When a Message Feels Off

Sabrina B.
Oct 21
5 min read

How to Recognize Red Flags and Protect Your Boundaries

(While Your Inner Child is Screaming)

It started with a message on Facebook.

Just a few friendly lines from someone I didn’t know.

But something in me… shifted.

My body tensed. My breath shortened.

I felt deeply unsettled — uncomfortable in a way that had nothing to do with the words themselves,

and everything to do with the tone, the vagueness, the lack of clarity.

And in that moment, I knew:

It wasn’t my adult self reading that message.

It was my inner child.

And she wasn’t amused.

She was on full alert.

The Kind of Unsettled That Lives in the Body

Let me be very clear:

I wasn’t confused. I wasn’t overthinking.

I was uncomfortable — deeply, instinctively.

And that feeling wasn’t random.

It was my body remembering another time — long ago —

when I did say no.

When I did say stop.

And it wasn’t respected.

I was thirteen.

Someone crossed a boundary I had clearly set.

And even though I was a child, I did everything I could to protect myself.

I spoke up. I resisted. I froze. I even try pushing him away from me.

And still, the person chose to ignore my "no."

To take what was never his to take.

That moment created a scar that no polite adult mask could fully cover.

So when a vague message lands in my inbox today —

a message that hints at intimacy, assumes familiarity, and bypasses consent —

it doesn’t just irritate me. It unsettles me, in the deepest way.

That’s the thing with trauma:

It teaches your nervous system to respond faster than your conscious mind.

And your discomfort? That’s not weakness.

That’s wisdom.

Is It Innocent… Or Unsafe?

The message started simply:

"Hello Sabrina, how are you today? I hope everything is going well with you today. You have a beautiful smile."

And instantly, my body tensed.

Is this a potential client?
A connection through someone I know?
Or is it something else entirely?

Then came the second message:

"I would like to get to know you better. I hope you don’t mind. Let me know when you’re free."

Still no context.

No mention of my work.

Just an invitation that felt off.

I responded politely but professionally:

"Thank you, but I don’t really understand what you mean. Do you have a problem with stress or something else with your health, body, or mind? Are you looking to book a session?"

He replied:

"I just want to be friends and get to know you better."

And that was it. The freeze. The full body no.

Because I’ve seen this pattern before — and not just in the past.

Scam or Safe?

7 Red Flags to Watch For in Unsolicited Messages

These types of messages can feel innocent at first.

But it’s important to recognize the patterns — especially if you’ve ever been through something that made you doubt your right to say no.

Here are seven red flags I now look out for:

Vague introductions (no clear reason for contacting you).
Over-familiar tone without context.
Emotionally manipulative details, like sob stories or tragic loss.
Ignoring boundaries (especially when you try to redirect or say no).
Romantic or intimate language too soon.
Unsolicited personal questions (age, relationship status, job, etc.).
Statements like "I just want an honest woman to share my life with…" — out of nowhere.

And the most important one?

Your discomfort.

Your body often feels it before your mind can explain it.

If something feels off… it probably is.

Reclaiming My Voice — And My Energy

I paused.

Not because I was afraid — but because I had to sift through something deeper.

That part of me — the old survival instinct — was already trying to override my clarity.

You know the one.

The part that says,

"But what if he’s just lonely? What if he’s sincere? Poor guy. You don’t want to hurt his feelings."

That compassion reflex — especially if you were taught to be helpful, understanding, and kind above all else — can be weaponized against you.

And in this case, it was.

He was counting on my compassion.

Counting on me to feel sorry for him.

Counting on me to ignore the red flags and stay open.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I wrote from my grounded, adult self — with respect and clarity, you know just because I'm curious and I wanted to see how he'd try to manipulate me further, and how far he'd go.

So I told him I felt uncomfortable.

I asked him what his intention was.

And I ended with a clear boundary:

I prefer to keep my personal connections for people I actually know — in real life, not just through a screen.

He could have respected that.

He didn’t.

His Response? A Classic Scam Script.

What came next was textbook emotional manipulation.

He sent a long, dramatic message filled with all the clichés:

A tragic story of losing his wife and daughter in an accident,
A past filled with hardship and unfairness,
Dreams of finding "an honest woman" to share life with,
A list of personal questions about me.

All of it designed to bypass my boundary, override my discomfort, and an attempt to trigger my helper reflex.

But I saw it for what it was: a deliberate boundary crossing.

He ignored my clear words — and instead of stepping back,

he tried to pull me in emotionally by painting a picture of himself as a pitiful, poor guy, deserving of sympathy.

That’s not connection.

That’s manipulation.

I didn’t reply.

I blocked the account.

And I stood by my "no."

What I Did (And What You Can Do)

If this ever happens to you, here’s what I hope you’ll remember:

Your discomfort is enough. You don’t need to justify it.
You don’t owe anyone a reply.
It’s okay to freeze. What matters is what you choose next.
You can write from your adult voice — even if it takes a moment to find it.
Block or report anyone who keeps crossing your boundaries.

You are allowed to protect yourself — without guilt, and without explanation.

To You Who’s Been There Too:

If someone once ignored your "no"…

If you said stop, and it wasn’t enough…

If your body still tenses when something almost feels like that again…

I want you to know this:

You’re not broken.

You’re not being dramatic.

You’re remembering — and that’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.

And today, you get to choose who gets access to you.

Your voice still matters. Especially when it shakes.

Even more so when it doesn’t shake at all — but simply says,

"No. Not this time."

Food for Your Thought:

Have you ever gotten a message that left you unsettled — even if you couldn’t explain why?

Let’s talk about it.

Drop your story below or just let me know if this helped.

There’s power in naming what others are too afraid to say.

Struggling With Boundaries?

If this kind of situation leaves you feeling unsure, guilty, or overwhelmed… you’re not alone.

So many of us were never really taught how to set boundaries — or how to hold them once they’re challenged.

If you’re ready to explore this gently and at your own pace, I’ve created something just for you:

My self-coaching emails are designed to help you:

Understand where your boundaries begin
Learn how to say no without guilt
Recognize your triggers
And most of all… reconnect with the part of you that already knows what feels right